A note on my three blogs

A note on my blogs

(1) vio; in love with india - this one is the main blog about my Indian adventures, which started in 2005. I don't write much on this blog these days because I prefer to write privately in the confidential blog. But check out the categories and the index to figure out your way. I have kept some older posts not about India but which I still find interesting or relevant in Old words. Also check out my new, fun category Only in India in which I post photos of funny, unique, Indian situations...

(2) vio; sounds of india - this is my blog of sounds, because India wouldn't be as incredible if it was not so vibrant and just so full of incredible sounds!

(3) vio; confidential - this an extension of my main blog in which I post entries I do not want to reveal to the entire webspace for privacy or sensitivity reasons. You must receive an invitation from me and then accept the invitation to be able to read it. You may email me if you are interested in receiving an invitation.


Thursday, 5 December 2002

On time & age

I love looking at photos of people (Human beings), and comparing people's young and old ages. I find it fascinating to look at old and recent photos of my grand parents for example and see how much they have changed with the years. I find Time an amazingly powerful thing, as it has the power to change people so much that you might even not recognise them. Although of course, one has to take into account the fact that not only Time changes people's physical appearances (and psychological, but you can't see that - or else you can only feel it), but people themselves, in the way they take care of themselves, or rather their genes. Or something! I am not sure if I can, or have the Right to, call Time an "amazingly powerful thing" though, because if you actually think about it it does not really make any sense. Time only is. Time is part of Life. So perhaps I should just call Life an Amazing Thing...

I love looking at photos of people, because you can observe their traits in the greatest details - you cannot do this in front of someone of course because it would make the person feel uncomfortable, unless you know him/her very well. Sometimes I also wonder how one can recognise someone after many years, or recognise that that three-year old and now that 70 year old are the same person: It is difficult to realise that we are dynamic. That that ugly old woman used to be a gorgeous young person, and that she may still have all that interior beauty - beauty that has become imperceptible with Time. Also, in everyday life, you don't really observe or take in all the traits of someone's face, so how the hell can you remember these well enough to recognise a face that has changed so much? It is also amazing to look at the photo of a newborn baby and the seven-year old s/he has become: I cannot recognise my little sister on her baby photos at all. Let alone imagine that an old grumpy old man in the street must have been a lovely smooth and soft baby a long time ago...

When I used to draw portraits I discovered something amazing: I would draw a person whose face I am familiar with and/or I find beautiful and interesting. But after I started working on it I inevitably had to observe and analyse a lot of tiny details I had never noticed before, and discovered that face from a totally new viewpoint. And sometimes after having finished drawing a person I would even feel like I have got to know him/her better, or that I would know some details of his/her face that nobody has ever noticed. I realised how I usually have an overall picture of someone's face in mind, missing all his/her trait details and therefore wondering how I have been able to recognise him/her in the past!

Until I left school/ higher education I had always been hanging around with people of around the same age as mine. But when I became more involved in the goth scene, and when I started working, I started to mix with people of various ages. It is strange to start to think consciously about people's ages, a thing which I didn't really have to think about before. When you're a kid, your friends are usually around the same as yours, and adults are just grown ups. But today it is very different, and not only because of the scene and the workplace, but also I think because I live in the UK and therefore don't use the French distinction "tu" (for informal and/or well-known relations or for young people) and "vous" (for formal and/or unknown relations or older people). Sometimes I still translate what I would say in French though, and then I realise that I would say "vous" to some people and "tu" to others. Ideally I would say "tu" to everybody, or rather "you" because "you" doesn't imply any distinction at all - It removes all idea of distinction. (This is another thing that makes you realise how your culture and attitude are trapped into your language...)

Anyway, now I have started thinking consciously about people's ages, and I realise I have friends from all ages: Younger, older, much older. I don't feel of any particular age personally - it depends on circumstances. When I'm with my little sister I feel about 10; when I deal with problems or relationships or death I feel mature; when I'm silly with my closest friends/family I can feel 12 and really stupid! I don't feel particularly old though, and I suppose I don't really like the idea of getting 26 in two months' time. Or more specifically, it's not that I don't want to accept it, it's more that it's hard to realise that I am now closer to 30 than 20, because Time has flown by extremely quickly, and I still feel about 22. But I feel quite lucky because I still look pretty young, about 22 in average according to people I cheekily ask when they don't know my age yet! Yes, I am cheeky, but it does make me feel better. I am not frightened of Death though. I am not looking forward to it either because I'm generally happy and lucky in my life, and naturally I want to live as long as I can to "collect" experience and learning. What I am frightened of, rather, is physical suffering: I am scared of the way I will die rather than the End itself. I would love to die in my sleep or suddenly... My fright of physical suffering is also the main reason why I take great care for myself.

Back to Age... I don't care about my friends' age, because it is not relevant in my relationships. Yet I love knowing how old people are, out of curiosity and reference. Because if it doesn't matter how old my friends are, it is always interesting to compare what they look like and their attitude with their actual age. In this sense I think all my friends are about the same mental age. Or maybe they are *Human* Being full of Dignity (whatever that means - it does mean a lot to me but it is so very hard to explain, sorry...) and, as they have Dignity age just is, full stop. Still a few of my friends could be my parents and I am friend with them, not like I would feel comfortable with my Dad. Note that this is not a go at my Dad, but a fact that relationships don't depend on age!

I think my conclusion will be something like this: The main thing, and even an important criteria to determine people's mental health is how well they are able to behave in a range of different ages, depending on the circumstances, because this implies their acknowledgement of Life's dynamism. It is very important to me to be able to behave like a child with a child, to be silly and chatty in a club (not with the help of alcohol! ;), but if something serious happens to be able to suddenly switch back to maturity. Most bad teachers are bad because they don't remember what it was like to be a student. Most bad parents are bad because they don't remember what it was like to be a child...

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