A note on my three blogs

A note on my blogs

(1) vio; in love with india - this one is the main blog about my Indian adventures, which started in 2005. I don't write much on this blog these days because I prefer to write privately in the confidential blog. But check out the categories and the index to figure out your way. I have kept some older posts not about India but which I still find interesting or relevant in Old words. Also check out my new, fun category Only in India in which I post photos of funny, unique, Indian situations...

(2) vio; sounds of india - this is my blog of sounds, because India wouldn't be as incredible if it was not so vibrant and just so full of incredible sounds!

(3) vio; confidential - this an extension of my main blog in which I post entries I do not want to reveal to the entire webspace for privacy or sensitivity reasons. You must receive an invitation from me and then accept the invitation to be able to read it. You may email me if you are interested in receiving an invitation.


Friday, 19 February 2016

Something I want to remember...

This is a text by Maria Rosenstone, written in Frederick Leboyer's Inner Beauty, Inner Light - Yoga for Pregnant Women (pp. 187-188), which I want to remember...


"The celebration of birth begins with a sudden yet gentle release of the primordial waters. My body is awakened to a new movement within, not yet rhythmic, but strong enough to begin the breathing and the inner meditation that my teacher has given me. I continue to breathe while bathing and wrapping myself in a towel, when suddenly I am seized by an incredible tremor arising from the depth of my body. I hold to the window's ledge and, while watching the familiar mango tree in the yard become unfamiliar, my entire being is convulsed and drawn into itself.

I sense immediately that I will be continuously absorbed by this passionate movement until it culminates itself. I am now totally taken by this energy that is not separate from myself. With each rise of its force I feel the passage that I have become opening itself ever more and more, each breath seems to uncover a new space. There is only expansion now and no limitation is endured. The event tolerates no measuring, will not be in any way contained. It seems on the contrary to have contained my whole self. There is no choice to be had, the meditation is the dance.

A natural birth is a manifestation of spontaneous expression and cannot be schooled, urged, or thrust upon a mode of living that is not natural. It requires only a clear channel, a body in health, a mind in understanding, a whole being that is totally open. When the intelligence of the body is awakened, as through the practice of yoga, it will guide the woman throughout the pregnancy, making her feel perhaps more in touch with her self than ever before. She is then close to her own nature and ready to flow with the movement of birth when it begins.

The breath will move evenly throughout each phase. Conscious maintenance of the breath can be the means through which the woman retains the pulse of what is happening. She is then one with all that waxes and wanes, rises and falls, inhales and exhales. All of creation is with her as she becomes the very passage for life itself. And when the moment arrives to receive the fruit of her love, she is truly there in that silent, joyous space to meet the small one with reverence and wonder.

Birth can be seen now, not as a procedure separate from the living of each day, but rather as a proceeding from the very roots of it. The greatest preparation that can be made for the birth of a child is to allow for the constant arising of birth in one's self. And this arising can take place only in a space that is clear and free of all expectation.

The sublime energy that, when trusted to pass freely, will move the womb to open and empty itself, bringing forth the new life, will also sweep through the being of the mother, giving rise to birth and rebirth simultaneously and at each instant. The intensity of childbirth brings the supreme moment in which the usual hold on one's self can be shaken and undone. One falls into the exultation of life as it lives itself. Birth then is the occasion of vibrating with the universal rhythm, a moment to feel the perfect accord of what is below with what is above, a merging with the cosmic dance."

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Violin feelings during pregnancy

For those who don't yet know; I'm pregnant. Seventh month is over now, belly is really big, belly button pops out, and I finally have that brown, vertical line across it. A real pregnant lady, ha! Now I clearly feel Baby's heals popping out against the upper wall of my tummy; I feel the little hard balls really well. It's funny! Yesterday one kick was so strong that it came to me by surprise, as though it was going to tear through my skin. Huhu.

Last September when Vijay and I came back from Europe, we brought back my second (study-) violin with us. My intention was to have an extra violin for potential students, because of course you cannot buy a violin here in Khajuraho, and I was thinking, that way any new student can at least borrow my study violin during class for practice. But of course I haven't had any new student while pregnant, and even my only one doesn't come as often as he used to because most of the time I just can't be bothered teaching. So a few months ago, seeing my old Western music sheets in the violin case and realising the latter still contained my (really good) Western strings, I suddenly did what felt completely crazy and bold and daring: I grabbed my violin, tuned it back to Western style, and tried out some of the old pieces! I had been getting so bored just playing slow alaaps in Raag Bihag on my own, as somehow it had been the only raga I had felt like playing because it's sweet and feminine, and because I just don't feel like playing fast, rhythmic stuff during pregnancy! Being in Khajuraho all the time with my only student as musical friend isn't exactly inspiring to practise much either. Always on my own with no-one else to play, booh! So that day I decided to go back to the easy, cute Western tunes I used to play back in 2006-2007! Minuets, rondos, sonatinas, waltz... And my, oh my! What fun! It was so refreshing to play something completely different, not wondering what the heck I could play, and having to work through getting used to the Western tuning again! For a few days I still played in the Indian position because it felt a lot easier, but after a while I started using my shoulder rest and practising the Western, upper position again. It is so nice to be able to move or dance while playing, too... Also, now I have to say my big belly is making the Indian position somewhat uncomfortable, because I have to bend down more and it reduces Baby's space, so after a while it hurts around my rib cage. With the Western position (which I am pretty comfortable with again now) I can keep my torso more upright and stretched, so it's more comfortable. Who would have thought!? I know... Pregnancy and its surprises...

And did I mention I gave up on working towards the third year of Prayag Sangeet Samiti examinations this season? Well, I had no motivation whatsoever. I had clearly been planning to take those exams in Varanasi before I was actually/seriously pregnant, without knowing the reality of my pregnancy. Last October when I was in Varanasi (at four months of pregnancy) I went for just one class with my Guruji. We played Raga Jog, which is quite funky, and which I normally like, but somehow, I guess under hormonal influence (haha!) I felt it was very masculine, and I didn't enjoy it at all. And as soon as Guruji speeded the pace up, for the jhala part of the improvisation, I just couldn't play. I just couldn't; it was horrible and I had to stop. It just didn't work; it just didn't happen; my limbs stopped moving! Suddenly I felt bored and exasperated by such speed, yes, such masculinity that I couldn't be bothered anymore. It was a very novel, interesting feeling, which really came up to my surprise. With it I realised that I wouldn't have any motivation to work towards taking a violin exam, and I didn't want to force myself during this unique, meditative period of my life. It was too important to listen to myself and do what my heart guided me to do - and clearly it was not going to guide me towards working for a violin exam. And in the end, the theory exam of December would never have happened anyway since we had our sudden, unexpected marriage ceremony on 14 December. I also realised it would be crazy to have to come to Varanasi mid-May for the practical exam with a one-month old baby; which I had thought possible when I was still thinking I was Superwoman, not having yet realised that we will have to register Baby's birth at the French embassy within 30 days of delivery by the way!!! No, I think going back to Varanasi again for an exam just three weeks after travelling with a tiny baby to Delhi around the end of April would be shear madness!!!

I would never have allowed myself to go back to Western violin if I wasn't pregnant I think. I always wanted too much to be a "good student". But pregnancy really makes you listen to yourself, to your heart, and it's nice! It allows you to do what you truly feel as opposed to what you think you should do, and not caring about it. It really allows you to let go... I do feel pregnancy has changed my awareness - there are some things in my life that I knew were right but that I didn't want to see, and I see and accept them now. Some priorities have changed, and not just because of Baby's forthcoming arrival in my (our) life. With Baby I don't know how diligent I'll be able to be with the Indian violin for some time - but not just that...

So seventh month is over and everything will be very quick now. Train to Varanasi is booked for 23 February - that's in less than three weeks! - And then I'll be staying there, surrounded by some really dear friends, until Baby sees the outside world!!! I'm also looking forward to being near the Ganga river, I'm looking forward to strolling along the ghats and hearing some Indian classical concerts at sunrise (yes, because my being bored with playing Indian does not mean at all that I'm bored listening to it! ;-)... I think I won't move away from Assi Ghat for a month to avoid traffic, and it sounds fabulous! Kashi - the City of Light - and the Ganges river, to welcome my child... ♥

Thursday, 28 January 2016

"Be the change you want to see in the world"!...

Long time no blog, yet again! But today I have a lot of energy to write!

Back in November, our German friend Pia from the Blue Bank association was in Khajuraho for about 3 weeks. She has been coming regularly for the past six years to promote ecological awareness through art. I had never been in Khajuraho at the same time as her until this season, so this time I was glad to be present and to see it for myself. It was interesting. The same locals get involved in her actions every year, and she attracts crowds of children because she organises programmes in which she gets them to draw postcards to send to her friends in Germany and in Africa, and of course she has snacks and sweets to distribute at the end. Vijay is always the main organiser of such events. This year she also presented her own nature-related painting to the children, and one of the local adults told a story to the children, to try and raise their awareness about ecology. It was for such an event that I played violin back in June 2014 (although Pia wasn't there at the time). For last Diwali, on 11 November 2015, again she organised a similar action, and I played a little violin concert with my student Udit by the Brahma Temple.

After the event she started talking about gathering some locals to clean the area around the temple and what we could reach of the lake around it - all in front of our house. Now, I had been dreaming of such a thing for years, but feeling completely powerless about it... "Why don't we organise this before you go?" I asked. And so we did, on the following Sunday. I was really excited. Vijay went to buy a bin that we have since then been keeping in front of our house. Quite a few people gathered, and we filled about 5 big bags with all sorts of litter. Everyone had a lot of energy, and it was really nice to work all together for a noble cause. This was possible also because (I forgot to mention) a rubbish collector has been passing our house regularly since about September - an amazing piece of news for me, as from then on we wouldn't have to throw our own rubbish in the lake behind the temple (for lack of anywhere else to throw it)!!! So after we had picked all the rubbish, the collector passed by and we gave him the five bags... In the end, Vijay went to buy some water nuts for all the hard workers and we all ate them happily.

This action was a kick start for me, as it really motivated me to carry on. I designed an explanatory poster not only in English, but also in Hindi, so that it would also make sense to the local population. The objective was to build a board and plant it next to the Brahma Temple, to raise our community's awareness about the project. On our Friends in Khajuraho homestay's website, I added a section in our menu about our new eco-friendly promise, and on our Facebook page I added a mention and photo gallery of the same. And our group of locals agreed that we would carry on cleaning every Sunday...

On the following Sunday I was the only one to do any cleaning, but I filled our entire bin nonetheless. Since then, I have been cleaning the area around the temple on my own, once in a while, when I felt it was necessary... The board hasn't seen the day yet, but I am determined that it will... Of course, no-one from our gathering has ever turned up on a Sunday to clean because keeping everyone motivated does take time, but I will keep doing it to show them all, and hopefully things will grow from there...? I feel so lucky and blessed to live on such a beautiful, historical, UNESCO-protected site, that I do want to do something! The Brahma Temple is the most ancient of all the famous Khajuraho temples, and it stands there, right in front of our house!

About two months after the Blue Bank action took place, some more great news broke out: The Brahma Temple, which up to then had always been closed to the public except for maybe two days per year, was now going to be open for visitors. And along with this a guard had been assigned to sit by the temple everyday - with the duty to broom the platform around the temple regularly! I was so happy to hear this! So since then, the platform itself has been clean at all times. I guess I should mention here that the main items of rubbish gathering around the temple are all the small individual sachets of betel nuts and/or tobacco or whatever mouth fresheners, which men sitting by the temple doing nothing throw as they chew everyday. That and packets of crisps or spicy snacks or whatever. So the temple platform is now clean all the time; however, where has the guard been brooming all the aforementioned rubbish into? Just a few meters down of course... Down the steps of the temple platform and around, into the sloping ground that descends to the lake, into the lake, etc...

This morning the gathering litter was just too much for me to see, and I hadn't done any cleaning for a while. I had not yet had my shower, so I set up for the task with my little bin, crossing the road every time it was full to empty it into our big bin... Whenever I start, I have to say it's difficult for me to stop, because it just never ends, and I have a hard time stopping any unfinished job! I dug many sachets and plastic bags out - really, you don't realise how much crap goes down and down into our poor soils until you try and clean it yourself! Besides, doing this in front of the passing locals gives me tremendous energy to carry on, because I love to give an example and (perhaps) make them think! "Be the change you want to see in the world", as the great Mahatma Gandhi of India famously said! And so I cleaned the entire lawn on the right of the temple and around the Blue Bank's blue bench and statue (Pia got these designed a few years ago as part of her awareness action), the beginning of the sloping ground as far as I could reach it, the ground down the steps and to the left side of the temple platform (all this with body awareness to spare my 7-month pregnant belly, of course... :-)

Soon after I had started working, the guard started brooming around the temple, and so I cheekily remarked that although the platform was clean, his brooming didn't help much if the rubbish was thrown down a few steps away. He did tell me that "someone" (from the municipality?) was going to do something about it later on. I guess he just told me what I want to hear but let's see... Some passers-by always stop and comment as I clean because I think it's odd for them to see a white person dare put her hands in "shit", accepting to become an untouchable perhaps (I have to shower and clean all my clothes to be allowed back in the house afterwards - but don't worry, I do it whole-heartily at that point!) Quite a lot of passers-by stopped by and more of them showed an interested in what I was doing today. One woman asked me what I was doing, really sounding puzzled. As she passed by, with eagerness and positivity in my voice (I hope!) I answered "I'm cleaning! All this plastic is harming our earth!" and then as she took some distance, I shouted "Our earth is our God, we shouldn't spoil it!" Two women from our neighbours' house whom I know quite well passed by, too, and one of them made a remark about what I was doing. I exclaimed "All that plastic you see, it goes into the land. Then it goes into the plants. And we eat the plants! Do you want to eat plastic? then litter away!" - "That's right!" she answered. But the best was that kid.

A boy approached the lake with a couple of friends; they must have been 13 or so. He had a small polythene bag full of stuff in his hand and I knew full well what it was, and what he had come to do with it. After pujas (religious ceremonies), Hindus don't throw the items they have used into an ordinary bin but into water, the idea being that the ingredients return into the earth. I think another reason is that all the items have become sacred to the Hindus' eyes, and so they can't just throw it away like ordinary rubbish. In older days it was not a problem because all these items used to be natural and biodegradable, such as paan leaves, raw rice and turmeric powder, incense, etc. (for a list of common elements used for rituals, click here). Today however, this practice is a disaster, because many harmful items - especially plastic - are thrown into rivers and lakes... And whenever I see a local throw a plastic bag full into the lake in front of our house, my stomach turns. This is what the boy had come to do, obviously. As I looked at his bag the only item I saw sticking out was a big paan leaf. "Don't throw this into the lake!" I exclaimed to the boy. "But it's puja stuff!" he replied. "So throw the stuff into the water, but please don't throw the plastic bag; it harms the environment!" The boy walked a little further near the pipal tree, and I saw him emptying the bag into the water. I was thrilled as I saw that he didn't throw the bag! Then he came back to me, I told him to throw the polythene in our bin and he did so. "Thank you! Thank you!" I exclaimed profusely. I truly felt like it was a little victory...